When I look to the sky....

I am soo tired and I just have so much. Im not going to list what I have to do because I might lose it. I mean on top of all school work and freaking research sem project I also should be looking for a job. Its just so hard when the days seems to be speeding by when the things getting done seem to be at a standstill. Then I also think too much into things which doesnt help my mind. I actually found someone who I talked about my Twilight obession the other night and I felt like I could just be myself. Granted It was only for like a half an hour but it really was fun and all I want is for something to happen out of it but I dont know how to go about that. Im not good at putting myself out there. My roomate just came back from an exhausting day and collapsed on the couch with her boyfriend and he just loves her and stayed there with her. When im having a bad day and just want to lay back I want it to be with someone and not just sitting her typing to make myself feel better.
Im going to take a nap before I head out again for another long night.

O what I would give to never have to sleep like Edward and get things done with all the free time on my hands.
HAHA yea right

There just so much stuff as of recently that I have to worry about. Like interviews..a job, money, graduating, and all that good stuff.

My mind just feels like its on overload cuz with all this there also my research seminar which is taking up most of my time.

I dont want to graduate I can't even fathom not seeing these people that have been with me for the last four years everyday. I love them all and hope that I will be able to still see them after I leave this place.

On my way, though I don't know where I'm going
On a road that's dark and long
On my way, but I'm fearful that I could be lost
That the path I have chosen might be wrong

When will it be clear that I made the right choice
When can I be sure that I know my own voice
I dream of a day when I'm free from doubt
Where faith winds out
And I overcome my fear
Clear

I don't knowI don't know where to search for answers
In a world that isn't fair
Will I find my strength
And discover who I really I am
Or retreat and pretend that I don't care
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

When will it be clear that I made the right choice
When can I be sure that I know my own voice
I dream of a day when I'm free from doubt
When faith winds out
And I overcome my fear
Clear

I've been told that we learn from our mistakes
But I just don't know how many mistakes it takes
I'm trying so hard to let down my guard
Maybe right now, right here

Clear, that I made the right choice
Sure, that I know my own voice
Praise the day when I'm free from doubt
When faith winds out
And I overcome my fear
Clear

So I realized today that with all this snow were having theres going to be a lot of snow on the ground for Christmas.. I know we dont need snow on Christmas but there's just something about it that makes this Holiday more special for me. Granted weve had one snow storm with about 12 inches on snow..and it never really stopped snowing until the next storm which is tomorrow I think and were suppsoed to get 6-10. Yea that's a lot of snow I know but in the long run I love it. Once Im warm in my house and not worrying about sliding all over the place..

and one complaint before I leave. So I requested Christmas Eve off this year.. I have never worked it in my life. For some reason my manager must have forgotten and she scheduled me. Now it shouldnt be that bad because who really goes shopping on Christmas Eve? and were only open till 6. Im just sad that I am getting older and that I will have to work on days lik ethis when I am older. It just sucks getting older. I dont really like it all that much. I dont even get time and a half. SOOOOOOOOO with that said

5 days till Christmas


Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas


Let your heart be light.

From now on your troubles will be out of site..




 

Twlight

A book I one day picked up and I never read. Then over the course of a week I finished the four amazing books in this series with the best feeling in the world.

For the longest time after finishing these books I could not believe my mind and what it was doing. When I enjoy something I really do and frankly I do not think I could ever explain how my mind works and how I felt at that particular moment when I finished the 4th book with tears in my eyes that it was over.


Twilight


The story line is just one that I have captured in my memory so well because of the obsessing love between these two beings that turned in a forever love.

Im sorry but I do not know how to put into words what this story has done for me..

It could be good or it could be bad but I cannot forget these characters, In my head...I cannot forget the family that Meyers created.

People make fun of me for loving it so much. Even my sister call me a "Twilghter" and says that Twilight fans are annoying...Well I do not love the movie with actors and actresses that portary these characters I fell in love with. I do not care that what I love at this moment in my life has brought some of my closest friends to make fun of me.

I wouldn't expect them to understand. There not in my head. There not me.

They do not know how engulfed I was in this series in that week that I read before work....I read after work...all day all night. I tried to stop reading to prolong the story longer but I coulnd't stop.. I was obsessed.


So I saw the movie tonight which is what motivated me to finally write this...and even though I had been pissed that people had been telling me it got bad reviews and had bad acting..Im sorry to all of you that tried to "warn" me but I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! granted there were so many different changes that I could pinpoint right away...But many of the scenes were done well and I was on the edge of my seat the whole time...because finally my dreams....my story that overtook me only a few months ago...Was being played out on the screen before me...

And what I cannot also begin to explain is the feelings I get when I see other people that I know do not appreciate the story walk into the theater...Im sorry but I cannot help myself...For some reason...when I begin to love something I want to be the only one. I know it sounds selfish but its just I get jealous that other people are "obsessed" with something because its weird to think this story that has felt like a dream to me can be shared my millions of others....I cannot fathom it. But overall the movie really did play to me as I had hoped it would. Despite EVERYONE ON EARTH telling me how horrible it was. Im sorry but I have NEVER been one to really go by reviews....Seriosuly I'd rather basically see for myself...Afterall its all a matter of opinion

and my opinion?   

I could never fall in love with a story or something else of the sort besides Twilight ever again.
At least thats how I feel now.. Who knows what the future holds....

So I have heard this song on the radio a few times and I have come to love it. I also just bought it on Itunes today and looked up the lyrics and there perfect...and say so much

"Gotta Be Somebody"

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)
When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh

Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

I know I have many friends...
and I know many of them care for me
but there just sometimes when I want to have that extra connection with certain people that I dont have and be able to talk to someone I care about and help them, but that cannot happen when your kind of outside the loop for a bit. Its an akward position.
Thats probably confusing but I dont care Im free writing now.

Mostly because I am very tired and should be in bed. Also because a intersting convseration caught my attention tonight. I was talking with some of my roomates and one of them mentioned just finding that one person that she can be herself around, that would be able to make her laugh, that would be her best friend but be her soulmate at the same time. I have also thought about this idea of a soulmate sometimes. It makes me wonder...are there normal guys that think like that? That just want a girl that they can also be who they truly are in front of them and not bescared. Are there guys who look at someone as a whole and not just another piece of ass. Sometimes I can pin point those guys that are genuine and could turn out to be a soulmate than on the other hand there are still those annoying pig headed guys out there that really annoy me. Which is why I see how it is so hard to talk to and find these normal genuine guys.

Is it also possible to be greatly attracted to someone who was your waitor a few times and somehow get to know them. Because of I dont try to make a move on applebees guy and see if he could be one of those guys than I might go crazy. Theres just something about the way he prsents himself (it could also be acting a certain role for his job) but he's just somebody I would love to get to know.. Now the next step for me is to grow some balls and do something about it.. but not just him other guys in general. Forget about relationships for now, I need to focus on friendships so I can find that soulmate who started out as a friend =-)

Gnite

So the internets finally back and I'm very happy so I can write in this...

So I had a bad day so far....I wake up and have my usual side pain that I have every day now. and then when Im in class my dad texts me saying that me and my mom arent going shopping anymore cuz shes in the ER. She has an infection in her head which with antibiotics I know she will be fine...But I just worry way to much..

Speaking of worrying I think that maybe my side pain is an ulcer? I dunno I just looked up symptoms and what not for them and mine kind of fit....But I dont know...Im hoping something will be found on monday when I have the ultrasound because I feel like I cant have as much fun as I want to at school because i never want to leave my room because of my pain.. I cant even go visit my best friend at her school because Im afraid that Ill have a pain when visiting her and freak out. I dont want to tell her that thats the real reason I have not visited her yet but I'm basically just sick of my body hurting and cant wait until I can finally be free from pain.




Till later

So I miss writing in this thing because I wrote some fun stuff that made me happy...so here we go =-)

We started playing Christmas music today in band and as much as it made me cringe because its not even Halloween yet..However it also made me think of whats to come..I love Christmas I really do...I was just singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" to myself and it brought to me past Christmas' when I was little and when my grandpa was still alive. It just I love the season where everyone gathers together in love and friendship. The snow that falls in the winter makes me happy and brings me peace.I just cant wait for it.. It actually started to snow tonight and I went outside to watch it in all its glory and to just smile and breathe. Its supposed to snow tomorrow too a lil I think...

On a non Christmas note I am loving my roomates and this year so far....were having a Halloween party on friday which im pretty excited about...our room looks amazing haha and I love the crazy people that I call my roomates. =-)
haha
so
tata for now


and hum "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" to yourself you may first cringe because its christmas music before the holidays but I gaurantee it will make you smile just a lil

Abby: You forgot to say I love you because you're beautiful.
Brian: No, I didn't. I mean, she is. But that's not why I love her.

Brian: You know how someone's appearance can change the longer you know them? How a really attractive person, if you don't like them, can become more and more ugly; whereas someone you might not have even have noticed... that you wouldn't look at more than once, if you love them, can become the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All you want to do is be near them.

The Truth about Cats and Dogs Movie...

Im not usually one to knock down dreams. Frankly I love the dreams my crazy mind lets me witness haha. But I hate it when I have a really good dream and something I have wanted for a long time to happen ...happens in the dream and Im all excited until I wake up and realize its not in reality. It makes me mad because when I wake up I almost feel like I had been talking to this person all night and that I should go call them or something and see how there doing...but again that would be akward....so It was just a dream?
It was a good dream

=-)
Heres to life

My best friend from home left this morning to go to Chicago all summer.....my other best friend from home is moving to Boston for the summer...Im going to miss them

Ok well I wasnt going to write this but it was wicked funny I think so here it is

I had a dream about my 21st birthday last night...well the first part was just normal I guess lol all my friends came to my party and it was a nice day it was amazing...expect for the fact that I was inside and in my pjs and the whole time I was just trying to get ready but I kept getting interrupted. at one point my grandmother was outside my window and I thought she was going to shoot a tampon at me through my window but it ended up being a tampon looking lipgloss kit? haha yea I dream weird..the sad part is when I actually got outside to see my friends they were all gone....expect for a few..

Part 2
I think this was probably the next day but I was already 21 and wanted to go somewhere and drink or visit someone...so instead of taking a car I walked...and the funny thing is I took the highway...and the even funnier thing was EVERYBODY on the highway was running/walking....there were so many people walking on the highway it was weird...so I had a backpack of my stuff and I looked down and I was holding a smirnoff green apple ice in my hand..all I could think of was that I didnt bring a water haha so I walked by some girls "pulled over" on the side of the road and when I walked by they were like omg shes holding alcohol..and some younger girl was like omg you could so call the cops on her pshhh haha so I looked back and just said um it all set girls im 21 lolll

Well Im just excited about my birthday =-)

I dont understand how I can miss someone this much...Its only been like 6 days and I cant go on a day without thinking of my friends
especially you...I dont understand why I miss you soo much and why the sound of your voice made me cry..

Im going to watch August Rush

I dont know how Im going to survive without my friends after I graduate
cant even begin to think about it

"SO MUCH OF ME
IS MADE OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU
YOU'LL BE WITH ME
LIKE A HANDPRINT ON MY HEART
AND NOW WHATEVER WAY OUR STORIES END
I KNOW YOU HAVE RE-WRITTEN MINE
BY BEING MY FRIEND..."

Ok so Im home for the summer...wicked excited not to have to do work...and my half of a room looking kinda cute...maybe this summer I can actually hang a curtain up between my sisters disney wall and my normal wall...I miss my own room...

So after crying for a good half an hour today after saying goodbye to ..people and now being at home bored..I do really realize how much im going to miss people ina few months...I know I will see them occasionly but its different from seeing them everyday ..very very very different..
well I cant wait to turn 21 because my parents are taking me out to get a drink =-) and then I get to see my friends....

ELPHABA

You're the only friend I've ever had.

GLINDA
And I've had so many friends. But only one-- that mattered.
(sings)


I'VE HEARD IT SAID
THAT PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES FOR A REASON
BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN
AND WE ARE LED
TO THOSE WHO HELP US MOST TO GROW
IF WE LET THEM
AND WE HELP THEM IN RETURN
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE
BUT I KNOW I'M WHO I AM TODAY
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT
AS IT PASSES A SUN

LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER
HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD …

ELPHABA
IT WELL MAY BE
THAT WE WILL NEVER MEET AGAIN
IN THIS LIFETIME
SO LET ME SAY BEFORE WE PART
SO MUCH OF ME
IS MADE OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU
YOU'LL BE WITH ME
LIKE A HANDPRINT ON MY HEART
AND NOW WHATEVER WAY OUR STORIES END
I KNOW YOU HAVE RE-WRITTEN MINE
BY BEING MY FRIEND...


LIKE A SHIP BLOWN FROM ITS MOORING
BY A WIND OFF THE SEA
LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A SKYBIRD
IN A DISTANT WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

GLINDA
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

BOTH
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD...

ELPHABA
AND JUST TO CLEAR THE AIR
I ASK FORGIVENESS
FOR THE THINGS I'VE DONE YOU BLAME ME FOR

GLINDA
BUT THEN, I GUESS WE KNOW
THERE'S BLAME TO SHARE

BOTH
AND NONE OF IT SEEMS TO MATTER ANYMORE

___

[They sing simultaneously]

GLINDA

LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM
ORBIT/AS IT PASSES A SUN/
LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A
BOULDER/ HALF-WAY
THROUGH THE WOOD

ELPHABA

LIKE A SHIP BLOWN OFF ITS
MOORING/BY A WIND OFF THE
SEA/ LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A
BIRD IN
THE WOOD

___

BOTH
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
I DO BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER

GLINDA
AND BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

ELPHABA
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

BOTH
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD.

Im just a girl....
put here on this world
A girl
Who loves: to jump around in puddles in her rainboots

to walk through the pouring rain and let it soak into her soul..

Stare dreamily into the sun on a warm day

Lay in the cool grass and watch the night sky twinkling with its natural beauty..

smell the newly bloomed flowers on a
spring day...

Who wishes with all her heart
and loves with all her heart
WHo loves to laugh uncontrollably with friends..

Who lives for friendships like the ones she found
who is who she is an nothing else...

Im just a girl Who desires a love so strong.....

Im simply just a girl who loves to dream
who wishes happiness for everyone


and Im just a girl

"Trying to find a place in this world"
Taylor Swift

So I performed tonight in Charlies in front of a lot of people...And after having an awful nerve racking day it all paid off..I did the best I could.
Theres just something about performing in front of people thats powering. I dont know how to explain it its just there in the lights.


"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people that treat you right; forget the ones that dont. If you get a chance; take it......If it changes your life..let it. No one said it would be easy they only promised it would be worth it..."




Thank you

so the last few days Ive been kinda going crazy..I guess because Ive had alot on my mind. I felt sick for the first few days of this week. My stomach pains have currently subsided though which makes me happy. I also for some reason havent been doing well in my classes I even got my first two poor performance notices EVER. I used to be so good inhigh school. Stupid college. o well Im trying to do better. I know I can do it. Even though the beginning of this week was ehh today made everything better.


Im performing in a concert on April 22 for my music theory class. (everyone should be there!) Im playing my clarinet and guitar. Im soo excited because I never thought I would get far enough on guitar where I would perform by myself with someone singing along to a song. I have to admit I am majorly nervous but Im sure ill do fine. I practiced today with the girl whos singing the song "A wAy Back Into Love" with me. She has a beautiful voice lol. I wish I could sing. O well. but when I was playing I was having a great time im just so excited to perform. I love looking back on music when I need a lift. Hence why I listen to my ipod all the time even when im walking with people..Doesnt mean im not listening just means I have some music in the background. I like my background music. well I have tons of work to do

"All I want to do is find a way back into love." Music and Lyrics

My dog passed away this morning...I just want her to know I love her and that shes in a better place where she can eat and run around and be a puppy again.
I do miss her though.....

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

My dog Sadie is getting really old. Shes so bad now to the point where she really cant stand out walk and her hips are really bad. She always liked sleeping in my parents room and I felt bad when my dad went to bed and she was still stranded in the living room....SO I took a towel somehow lifted her on top of it and dragged her from my liviing room to my parents room. And this is pretty far to drag a big dog. I love her and hope shes a happy dog even though her bodies slowly breaking down =-( But now I am exhausted from dragging her and Ive had a long day
Gnite